by Cynthia Battino
In this column Cynthia will answer your emotionally based and general questions about divorce. Cynthia is a life coach and energy worker who specializes in working with people considering or going through divorce.
I have been married for ten years and have two young children. I am unhappy in my marriage as my husband travels a lot for his work. I feel like a single mom and am lonely. I would rather have a spouse who is home more and can be a true partner in both our marriage and parenting. How do I know if I should get a divorce? Signed – Unhappy and Alone Mom
Dear Unhappy & Alone Mom:
I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with your marriage. When you have been married for this long, it is normal to hit the wall of complacency. Before you do anything drastic I have a few things for you to consider: 1) Have you and your husband done any marriage/couples counseling? That would be the first step. 2) Are you 100% sure that you would be happier without your husband than with your husband? If you can’t immediately answer this as a “Yes,” go back to #1. 3) Are you absolutely sure that you are ready to deal with all of the pain, messiness and trauma that will come with divorce without guilt? Again, if you can’t immediately answer “Yes,” go back to #1. You, your husband, and your children deserve for both of you to fight for your marriage.
I think that my wife is cheating on me. I have found texts and emails to other men that make me believe she is being unfaithful. I’ve also looked at her phone records and found numbers that don’t match any of our friends or family. We had an agreement that if either of us were caught cheating, we would end the marriage. I am angry and want out. How do I go about catching her cheating so that I don’t have to pay as much to her in our divorce? Signed – Husband of a Cheater
Dear Husband of a Cheater:
It sounds like you have reason to believe that your wife might be unfaithful. Unfortunately, to prove that she is cheating is a very costly process. I rarely recommend that my clients hire Private Investigators to prove that their spouse is cheating (because that is what you will have to do – to get audio and video proof). There is not only the financial cost, but there is an emotional cost to consider. I have known people to pay tens of thousands of dollars just to prove their spouse is cheating – and never got enough evidence. But the little they do learn tears them to pieces emotionally.
I would suggest that first you try marital counseling. There is usually a need that is not being met within your relationship which has made your wife feel the need to reach out to another person. If you have tried counseling and it hasn’t accomplished enough or if you are truly angry and want out, then I recommend you hire a great attorney and move forward with separation and divorce. Find a woman that will be faithful and true.
Cynthia Battino is a Life Coach, Healer & Separation/Divorce Specialist, author and speaker. Her company, Transformational Healing, specializes in working with people going through life crisis, specifically separation/divorce. She has written a healthy divorce workbook, You Were In Love, Once Upon A Time, which you can find on her website: www.transform-heal.com.